So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
