My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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