32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
