She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize