so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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