God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
