please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
