I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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