Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
