Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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