I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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