I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize