Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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