god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
