I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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