Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
