There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
