if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
