I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
