tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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