this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
