Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
