hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
