I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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