Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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