My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
