god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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