i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
