What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
