She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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