Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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