omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
