do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
