I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize