Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He did a backflip because drugs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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