Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
