I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
