Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
