Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize