u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
