I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize