When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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