do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
