I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
