hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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