Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize