You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
