do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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