Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
