Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize