Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
