I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
