Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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