thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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