it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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