Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize