He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
