just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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