It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it hurts more in the daytime
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
