I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
