me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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