I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize