I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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