Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
