Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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