It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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