I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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