If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
