Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
