its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
