im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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