Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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