You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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